South Carolina Employee Jokes

What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.

Michael Willard – Harleyville, SC

 What did the termite say when he walked into the bar?

Where is the bar tender?

Shane Pair – Harleyville, SC

Texas Employee Jokes

 DaD: why Does it take A PIRATE so long to learn the alphabet? BECAUSE HE SPENDS A YEAR AT C~!

DAD: what do you call a fake noodle? AN IMPASTA!

DAD!: last night I had a dream I was a MUFFLer … I woke up eXhausted!

DAD:! Why did a pot of coffee file a police report?  IT GOT MUGGED!

Patrick Bradley – Houston, TX

Florida Employee Jokes

 Did you ever hear about the magic tractor?? It turned into a corn field.

Douglas Parker – Gainesville, FL

 My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.  So I packed my stuff and right.

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? – A fish

Darrel Sibley – Tampa, FL

 Why didn’t the green pepper practice archery?  Because he didn’t habanero.

James Burkholder – Tampa, FL

 True Story

When I was younger, in a different job, my company at that time increased my sales territory to include a city that my father worked in as a sales person as well.  Even though my father was in a different type of business, we could call on the same customers.  My father was a handsome bearded man and very successful in sales his whole life.  So, he was delighted to show his little girl off and show me how sales are done by introducing me to his customers …..to help me out.

So, one morning I traveled to meet my dad for him to take me in to meet his first customer. 

The customer said; “John you have such a beautiful daughter and she looks just like you”.  My dad followed up with; “well, you should have seen her this morning before she shaved her beard”.

Wendy Rouse – Jacksonville, FL

West Virginia Employee Jokes

 I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it has been the refrigerator all along!

Rusty Kesecker – Martinsburg, WV

 Alabama Employee Jokes

Q: Do trees poop?

A: Where do you think #2 pencils come from?

Charles Terrell – Calera, AL

A guy walks into a bar with his dog. The bartender says ”Hey, you can’t bring a dog in here!” The guy says ”But this is no ordinary dog. He can talk!” So the Bartender says “OK, let’s hear it”

The guy turns to the dog and says “What’s that thing on the top of your house?” The dog says “roof”. The bartender leers at the man and says “You’ve got to be kidding me. Get him out of here.” The guy says “No, no, wait. He really can talk.” The guy laid a piece of sand paper on the bar and placed the dogs paw on top of it. He turned to the dog and asked “Tell the man how that feels?” The dog said “Ruff”.

The bartender says “I’m not going to tell you again. Get out and take the dog with you!” The guy turns to the dog and says “Quick, tell him who was the greatest baseball player of all time.” The dog looks at the bartender and says “Ruth”. With that the bartender has the bouncer throw out the man and his dog. As they are collecting themselves on the sidewalk the man looks at the dog and says “Would have killed you to say DiMaggio?”. The dog said “Who are you kidding, everyone knows DiMaggio couldn’t hit the curve!”

What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows!

Why do bee’s have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs!

Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore!

I was once addicted to the Hokey-Pokey but I turned myself around.

What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi!

How do you know if you’re a pirate? You just Aaargh!

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved!

After a crime, one detective noted that he suspected foul play. His partner asked, “So you think he was playing with birds?”

If athletes get athletes foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes!

Rodney Preston – Calera, AL

Georgia Employee Jokes

The other day I was walking to my car when someone threw a can of coke at my head!

It’s okay though it was a soft drink.

Judge Camp – Canton, GA

I have developed this very strange addiction to brake fluid…….the good news though…I can stop anytime I want.

A guy tried to sell me a coffin the other day. That’s the last thing I need….

Zack Light – Alpharetta, GA

 Don’t blame others for the road you’re on, that’s your own asphalt.

Rocky Dillard – Alpharetta, GA

 I don’t have a dad bod, I have a father figure.

Why did the 4’s skip dinner? Because they already 8.

Amy Norsworthy – Alpharetta, GA

 Where do bad rainbows go? Prism, it’s a light sentence.

Megan Goff & Debra Zeni – Alpharetta, GA

 What was Forrest Gump’s login password? 1forrest1

Marc Miller – Alpharetta, GA

 Why are do firefighters wear red suspenders? To keep their pants up.

Kelly Vega – Alpharetta, GA

 What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?  SUPPLIES!

Mike Beer – Alpharetta, GA

 What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A Spec-tater

The store owner couldn’t blame anyone when he fell down in the parking lot……That’s his own asphalt

What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A Depresso

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? If they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels

Jonathan Sandoval – Alpharetta, GA

 Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was Out Standing in his Field.

Why should you not pass gas in The Apple Store? They do not have Windows.

Peter Alexander – Alpharetta, GA

 What do you call a dog on a beach? A HOTdog.

Paola Rodriguez – Alpharetta